OK, spil promised, the HUB, http://hubpages.com/hub/How-To-Date-The-Single-Mom, has inspired my own. What indeed caught my attention ter that article wasgoed the part about coming overheen late and leaving early, basically not being visible to the kids while they are awake. And I will voorkant that shortly.
Very first of all, I am a single dad with primary custody. (which despite how hard I fought te court, wasgoed pretty much granted because she agreed to it. The law is not a single dad’s friend) My kids spend every other weekend with their mom, plus long vacations and most of the summer. If you are thinking about dating a single dad I hope this helps you understand what lies ahead.
I think there are Three basic types of stadsgracht dads: 1) The dating dad. Two) The LTR dad Three) and the ‘searching for a fresh mommy’ dad. I’ll begin with type Trio very first. My instinct is to say this type of dude is bad news. Unless there are extenuating circumstances, (like him being a widower), most guys like this are going to be a Loterijlot of work. They very likely can’t treat the kids, how are they going to treat you te their life? Unless there is a reason you emotionally need to fasten yourself to already half-raised kids, I would avoid type Three.
Type Two is likely a dad who is very sure of what he wants, or at least that he wants it utter time. The only thing I could see spil a downside is simply that he could be stuck te his ways, and you will need to gezond into a mold. If you are ready for long-term, then its not a bad situation. Even better if you want kids, but didn’t want to HAVE kids. I know women who don’t want to participate ter the physical process of having children. Adopting is one option (if your BF or hubby is ok with not actually having his own), and joining a partial family like type Two’s is another. That is the most significant thing you have to reminisce when dating a single dad – you are JOINING a family. Do not expect to create or establish the family dynamic, its already present and you need to adapt to it if you wish to stay. That’s not to say that there isn’t a slow process of adjusting to you spil well, its just not almost spil instant spil it is when you have the boy very first and then kids come along.
Now type Trio (like mij). Most women seem to understand all the ‘work’ they do at huis, but entirely disregard the fact that a single dad has to do all that spil well. I understand that “well why is he single?” angle, but there is also a “he voorwaarde be very responsible and mature” angle spil well. If an ex-wife is baggage, budge on. If the kids are baggage, stir on QUICKLY. Frowning at us having kids will never suffer you to us. Type Trio’s are not necessarily looking for another mom, wij’ve already figured out how to raise kids. Other than simply being an adult te the household, there are no expectations of you, how effortless is that?! You might be astonished at how the kids adapt to you and seek you out spil a parental figure.
Single dads like myself, are not indeed looking for the next wifey. Its dating 101 all overheen again, but with special circumstances. Out time is limited. inbetween work and the kids schedule, wij have little free time. You need to be ok with that, and able to go spil slow spil necessary. I have every other weekend free, but you need to understand, I am going to want MY time too. Whether that’s persuing an rente of mine, or draping our with my mates, you need to be ready to not get every minute of my free time. Depending on how much money I earn, you also need to expect some spending limitations. I don’t mean that Applebee’s is the best I can do for a ‘nice’ dinner, but is very unlikely wij are receiving ANY alimony or child support. Ter fact, its very likely that even with custody, wij’re still paying some. (yeah, the courts suck that bad)
Ter many cases, spil is the case with mij, “dating” is something wij most likely toevluchthaven’t had the chance to do ter some time. Going out with you a duo times is not the same spil commitment. At this point te our lives, wij have a very good idea of who wij are. Wij also know our kids and what type of woman will getraind into our lives the best. Wij might even be picky. But it’s a two part process. Wij have to feel you are special very first. THEN wij introduce you to the kids. If a boy waits too long to do that, that’s a warning you should not overlook. I’m not talking about staying the night on date Three. Or going with us on a special outing. My kids know Daddy is dating, and I have no problem with them meeting ‘hier’. But out huis is our sanctuary, and letting you come te and get comfy is a phat step. Hiding you downright from the kids is a sign of someone who is more interested te being a player than a dater.
Proximity is missing, not just the basic manly desire for hook-up. Now, that kwestie about showcasing up for the night. Coming late nad leaving early should be viewed spil respect for the kids. If you feel trampy doing it, find a stud without kids. When you do spend that very first night, spil much spil wij are loving that its YOU ter bloembed with us. wij also miss having that ter normal. The degree to which wij snuggle and hold you has to do partly with us simply loving the ogenblik, spil they are zonderling. It isn’t just a simply thing, but it also doesn’t reflect some deep emotions and feeling either. That all comes with time. Also understand, that when you do start to suspend out te the house around the kids, wij may be tentative about being openly physical. That will switch spil time passes, depending on how quickly things become serious and head towards voortdurend. Wij’re not afraid of the displays of affection, wij’re being careful not to overwhelm the kids. So there is a good chance that dates will be less frequent than you’d like, especially if there is physical attraction. Because its effortless to arrange the overnight visit. And wij both know, sharing the same bloemperk ter some manner of undress, is going somewhere! Arranging dates and get togethers outside of the bedroom is not spil effortless.
Dealing with the Ex (or kindje moeder): This is undoubtedly the most imprtant thing you need to know. Very first thing – DO NOT BE JEALOUS. Believe mij, if wij wished to get back with hier, it would be very very effortless. (if she’s available). OK? let mij repeat – wij do not want to get back with hier! However, wij do need to overeenkomst with hier at least until the kids are Eighteen. Some guys have managed to be fiends (ONLY) with their Ex’s, and that’s an ideal situation, because the animosity and jealousy should be nonexistent. Ter most cases, wij hate dealing with hier. If wij have the kids a lotsbestemming, she has at some point along the way made our lives pitiful. Cost us money by repeated trips to court, sticking hier nose into our previous dating life (NO ex everzwijn gives positive references) or by not making the effort to co-parent effectively. Its hard enough for us to attempt to establish rules and such when wij can’t openly discuss it with the ex, the last thing wij need is for you to insist on some switches. Wij may bitch and complain about how “hier” family does things, but wij’re just bitching. Wij have very likely accepted some things don’t switch, and wij are just venting. Wij may also let petite things slide that seem rude or inconsiderate, like the Ex being late to pick up or druppel off the kids. Wij don’t like it either. But some things are just not fighting overheen, especially te vooraanzicht of the kids. Single dads turn the other cheek A Lotsbestemming, te order to spare the kids some unpleasantries. Best thing you can do, is recognize wij are attempting to be a good man, be the thicker person, and just support us. Wij are very aware when ‘hier’ tardiness or switch of plans affect YOUR time with us, and I for one go out of my way to apologize and make sure you know that I know, and that I am sorry.
So. what have you learned? I hope you either learned you aren’t the type to date a single dad, or slew of things about how to proceed ter doing so. Single dads are not for everyone, but te most cases, they have slew working ter their honra. They are employed, dedicated, responsible and generally more mature. That’s a fat upgrade overheen mcuh of the single single guys out there. And if you choose to take it slow, or you love the ‘friends with benefits’ type of opstelling (isn’t that just what “dating” used to be anyhow?), then a single dad might be flawless. Its not like they have time to hound you for attention, LOL.