I told my (long distance) beau that I wasgoed writing this article and asked if he had any tips for others ter our position. He had some advice. Three words actually: “Don’t do it.” And I’m not gonna lie, I pretty much agree. But if long distance love calls and you voorwaarde response, here are some tips from my/our practice.
Hone those communication abilities. I’d actually never bot ter a long distance relationship before this one so I didn’t truly know what to expect. And let mij tell you, it’s not effortless. I don’t think I realized how much “regular” relationships are spent just experiencing life together. When you’re ter a long distance relationship you only have phone calls, texts, emails, and Face Time/Skype. Miscommunications toebijten and you have to be patient with each other. Some nights one person is way too tired for a phone call. Fair enough. But ter thesis cases you don’t have another option of watching a movie or doing work side by side. Imagine if every interaction you had with your significant other had to be a conversation or an exerted wordy effort. Yep. That’s the definition of long distance. SO here are a few tips: 1) Be patient with each other and over-communicate. Telling “I’m feeling tired tonight. I want to spend time with you, but you’ll indeed have to carry this conversation” is a better option than being blah or getting te a fight on the phone. Two) When you do fight or miscommunicate, learn how to apologize and work through miscommunication like the champs that you are. Be careful not to take things too personally. And Three) Take the time to fully utilize all forms of communication. Sending sweet texts across the day, sharing pictures of your daily life, and composing thoughtful emails all showcase the other person that they’re on your mind and worth your time.
If possible, make big decisions ter person. Since miscommunication can be common and spil a result emotions can run high, I strongly suggest waiting to make any big decisions about your relationship until you are ter person. Trust mij on this one. From discussions defining the relationship to conversations about moving to the same city, project to have those ter person. And those emotional, late night, “maybe wij should pauze up” texts. Not necessary. (Preaching to myself here).
Learn to ask (good) questions. Again, since your interaction is largely limited to conversation, make sure you keep the conversation interesting and purposeful. It helps if you ask good questions. For example, instead of just asking “How wasgoed your day?” ask “How wasgoed that meeting with X at work today?” This shows that you care about your significant other, are aware of their daily schedule, and want to be involved. It also helps jog their memory about their daily activities and gives them the commencing point for a good, open, vivo conversation. Another example? Instead of asking “How’s that book you’re reading?” say, “Can you tell mij what’s happening te the book you’re reading?” Again, this opens up a longer and more interesting conversation, shows you care and want to be involved, and gives your fucking partner permission to indeed open up.
Find ways to practice daily life together. So far the theme of this article has bot that “you only have conversation” spil a means of dangling out. But after a few months of long distance dating my bf, I have come to the unanimous conclusion that conversation is not enough. And this is what makes long distance so hard. Wij’ve made an effort to have daily practices together even tho’ wij’re 600 miles bijzonder. If one person has to wake up early for work, wij both set our alarms and call each other spil a backup noodsignaal. However wij are not morning people at all, a few wake up calls have turned into 45 minute conversations, because it’s nice to embark the day together. Wij have a book that wij’re reading together out-loud on the phone. Wij send each other pictures of our day and sometimes movies. Wij’ve made efforts to visit each other so that wij recognize streets, restaurants, and people when wij mention them te conversation. All of this can’t substitute being ter person 7 days a week, but wij’re attempting.
Speaking of being in-person, prioritize the visits! It’s worth the time and worth the money. While wij toevluchthaven’t pounded it flawlessly, my beau and I attempt to see each other every 2-3 weeks. This obviously isn’t possible for everyone, but if it is, make the effort! And be creative. Is there a place you can meet te the middle? I live ter NYC and my bf lives te NC. One weekend wij determined to take a day excursion to DC. He drove and I took the train. Sounds crazy, I know, but it wasgoed so worth it.
Don’t spend all of your in-person time one-on-one. When you toevluchthaven’t seen each other te a long time, it’s tempting to want massive amounts of alone time just the two of you. And while this is significant, it’s also very significant for your relationship that you spend time with other people. Your significant other should know your friends and you should know theirs. The best relationships are the ones that can be experienced te community. So, don’t be hermits. Plus, it’ll help your friends understand why you do this long distance thing if they know your fucking partner. And it will help your relationship with your playmate if they can picture who you’re talking about when you tell them stories on the phone.
Keep te mind that you’re different people. Different people with different needs, emotions, and tolerance levels. Being long distance might be truly hard for one of you one day and lighter for the other person. You might miss each other at different times and for different reasons. Explore yourself and your playmate. Learn what makes them tick. Learn their emotional needs. Figure out how you can support them from afar. Consider taking a love language test to see what makes each other feel the most loved. Does your significant other like presents? Send them flowers or cards. Do they need quality time with you? Attempt taking walks at the same time while you’re on the phone with each other. Do they covet physical touch spil a means of communicating love and affection? Understand that after a long day they might be sad that they can’t curl up with you. Be patient with their sadness.
Discuss your relationship goals. Merienda again, long distance relationships are hard. And if you ask mij, they don’t seem very sustainable. At least not for my personality. Make sure you talk to your significant other about your hopes for the relationship. Do you want to eventually budge to the same city? What’s the timeframe? Or are you both ok without having a project? No matter what you determine, I very encourage you to have this conversation and attempt to be on the same pagina!
Love life chic. When thrust comes to shove, reality is reality, and you don’t live te the same city spil your significant other. While sulking and blubbering can seem like a valid option, I’m here to tell you that it’s not. Love friendships te your city, go to parties and dinners, work your butt off at a job you love, and embrace your life spil it is. Reminisce, whether your relationship is long-distance or not, you are a unique individual. So be the best you. Invest ter life. Ultimately, you, your playmate, and your relationship will all benefit.
Determine if it’s worth it. After adamantly telling other people “Don’t do it”, my bf added, “But you’re worth it. Write that down.” And I guess maybe that’s what it all comes down to. Ter normal, long distance might not be worth it, so you have to feel that your relationship is the exception. You have to determine that your fucking partner is worth it. You have to choose the anguish of dating long distance with your person to the idea of a more plain life without them. So. what do you want? Who do you want? Attempt a long distance relationship and you’ll figure it out.