MsDora, former teacher and Certified Christian Counselor shares tips for slick relationships with friends and encounters with strangers.
Becoming an enemy to an ex-friend is like someone demolishing an apple tree after picking all the apples. No appreciation for the apples picked, and no consideration for the value of the tree, only vexation that presently, there are no apples to pick.
It is unfortunate that some ex-friends react to the end of the friendship with anger and hostility. Nurturing such negative emotions, exposes them to the danger of becoming enemies (from the Latin word inimici, which translated literally means bad friends). However, it is possible to remain former friends (no present friendly interaction) without becoming bad friends. The ex-friends are the greatest help te preventing themselves from becoming enemies.
The key is for ex-friends to maintain the attributes which made them good friends, and not permit the end of the friendship to bring out the worst te them.
For private character growth, and for the well-being of former friends, consider the following attributes that prevent ex-friends from becoming enemies. They are applicable for any kleintje of friendship ranging from casual to marital.
- Civility вЂ“ common courtesy
- Commendation вЂ“ instead of criticism
- Compassion вЂ“ goodness, including forgiveness
- Confidentiality вЂ“ respect for privacy collective
- Cooperation вЂ“ instead of disagreement and conflict
Most likely, the ex-friends will meet te public, ter the presence of other people. That makes it effortless to vertoning the same courtesies to the ex-friend spil will be shown to other people. A saluting, a smile and any gesture that pertains to good manners are adequate. Civility includes the following:
- Politeness toward everyone, not just friends.
- Good manners practiced ter all situations.
- Courtesy whether or not the recipient is worth it.
- Emotions under control, not ter control.
Lack of civility may encourage a similar behavior te the other person, and become a fertilizer for developing animosities. Negative emotions can fester and explode at an opportune time. To prevent that, ex-friends should be spil civil spil they know how to be.
Whether ter the presence or absence of each other, an ex-friend should say something commendable or say nothing at all about the other person. Troublemakers are always available to bring and carry reports about what one allegedly said about the other. Be careful not to commence or fuel the war of words. Here are some useful tips to recall.
- Practice zero tolerance for gossip about an ex-friend. Simply turn down to listen.
- Never criticize an ex-friend, not even te private defense.
- Speak fair praise, when it is adequate.
- If the chance arises, express commendation ter person.
One of the most humbling practices inbetween ex-friends is for one to express criticisms or harsh words about the other, only to hear that the other only voices commendations. The zuigeling one is the smarter one.
No-one is required to consider the feelings of an ex-friend with regard to all the decisions he or she makes. However, goodness dictates a display of compassion ter adequate ways.
- Forgive the ex-friend for his or hier contribution to the breakup. Free the person to budge on without feeling obligated to make compensation.
- Do not be deliberately offensive, for example, if an ex-friend licks bugs, fight back the temptation to make a Facebook postbode about the stupidity of people who munches bugs.
- Be sensitive and sympathetic te the event of an adverse situation. Do not express joy, or comment on how much it is deserved.
- Te such ter an event, it is alright to pass on an opinion (based on skill of the ex-friend) to someone te a position to help.
The Golden Rule applies here. Treat an ex-friend the same way you would like someone else to treat you.
Confidentiality is the line an ex-friend crosses to become a sure enemy. Disrespect for privacy collective during the friendship is a major act of treason. It violates the basic principle of friendship and can create an enemy for life. Be respectful and build up respectability.
- Love the trust that the ex-friend placed ter you.
- Prove yourself worthy of that trust.
- Exposing secrets can hurt the pic of the exposer spil much spil it hurts the other person’s pic.
- Keeping the secrets can be rewarded with lifetime respect instead of a lifetime enmity.
Poll on Attributes
Which one of thesis attributes will be the most difficult for you to practice ter your interaction with an ex-friend?
It helps if there is a mutual agreement to end the friendship. It also helps if both people agree on whether they will avoid interaction with each other downright or to what extent they will interact. They can share an article like this one, to ensure that they are on the same pagina. Ter addition, the following suggestions will help.
- Determine on a mutual response to people who inquire about the relationship. For example, вЂњIt didn’t work out,вЂќ or вЂњWe both chose to end it.вЂќ Agree not to discuss who did or said what.
- Agree that the only reason for any other discussion is to receive professional help. One may not want help, but should not prevent the other.
- Agree on the method by which anything more that needs to be said will be said, instead of choosing messengers haphazardly.
- Agree on the come back of any items, which belong to one but are te the possession of the other.
Thesis five attributes, if practiced by ex-friends, can help maintain the emotional and social assets of the former friendship. The end of the friendship does not antipara the memories of concerts attended, travels loved, abilities collective and life practices enhanced. Appreciation of those memories can hardly grow into feelings of hatred.
Instead there will be feelings of gratitude within former friends who have no intentions of becoming bad friends or enemies, making life pitiful for each other. Friendship is precious while it lasts, and when it finishes, it can become a precious memory.