Are you addicted to love if you’re ter an “on and off” relationship for 20 years? Sounds like it to mij. Here’s my advice to this woman who questions if hier relationship is auténtico or a sickness.
Is She Addicted to Love?
“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,
Is this a relationship or sickness? I believe the latter of the two! February will (hopefully NOT) mark 20 years of an on and off “thing”. Truly no one drives mij more insane and wild at the same time spil this man. Wij pauze up for months at a time, then make our way back to each other. We’re so glad to be together and wij work ter MANY ways then POOF – it blows up ter our faces.
I miss him and I know he has times when he misses mij, but wij typically find ourselves dating others. He’s even had a few rather serious relationships te inbetween, until the next time wij find our way back to each other. Wij have had some very painful fights, painful cracks and have baggage and memories that we’d like to leave behind. But alas – it’s lighter said then done.
I can’t imagine being so crazy te love with and just plain crazy with anyone else. But, here’s the problem – his “I’m just indeed busy” crap is making mij throw up my arms and give up on him. My words have turned so very mean and our fights are just spil sultry spil when wij’re not fighting.
I hate to throw away 20 years, but I haven’t seen him now ter several days and the last night wasgoed so sultry.
This sounds so cheesy, but when he asked mij to look at him and wij gazed ter each others eyes…sigh. Is it love, or 20 years of being played? I can’t take the “I’m busy” excuse one more time. He asked mij to embark leaving behind the past…but how can I when it always seems to repeat itself?
Passion and Pain”
I understand how much ache you are te but I want to tell you, with compassion, that you are addicted to love with this man. After 20 years, you ask if you are being played? You are just spil much a party to this madness spil he is. You cannot waterput this on him.
Here’s what I want you to think about truly hard – if overheen 20 years, he’s told you many times he’s busy, why would you expect anything different from him now? If you have amazing passion and then pauze up – why wouldn’t you always expect the pauze up? It’s happened every time before hasn’t it?
No matter how long you’ve known this man, when a man tells you he’s too busy, that means YOU ARE NOT HIS PRIORITY. Why would you proceed to waterput yourself through this?
It doesn’t matter how fine the parts are that work.The parts that don’t work stand out more if you are willing to look at them. Do not compartmentalize your relationship with this man, looking at the parts you adore. You need to look at this relationship spil a entire.
Crazy passion is clearly NOT an indicator of long-term potential – albeit you have mastered the on and off again relationship with 20 years of practice. But it seems like a lotsbestemming of anguish that you waterput up with to have limited passion with him.
What does matter is that you can’t stay together. After this many pauze ups overheen 20 years, I would think you want to waterput that behind you for good and avoid more ache. But love addiction is like heroin I suppose.
Here’s the hard, cold truth it’s time to face:
If he wasgoed the right man for you, you wouldn’t pauze up, he wouldn’t be too busy and he wouldn’t seek other women.
I have to vote “SICKNESS” since you’ve given mij a choice. And you know it too or you wouldn’t have written that. You are addicted to love with this man, otherwise you wouldn’t still be open to his painful antics. At some level, you vereiste love the toneelstuk and the agony or you wouldn’t keep going back for more. After 20 years, you know your time with him will be brief before it all goes “Poof” spil you say.
Being crazy ter love is not something you want to aim for. Spil a dating coach for 15 years, my hope for you is that never find another man you are this crazy te love with. I would rather you find a true and solid love with lasting potential. There might not be the intense passion, but that is a sign of volatility, not bearing love.
I found this 40 Question Checklist from Love Junkies Anonymous that might open your eyes. You are not alone te this sickness – sadly many people have it.
A Toxic Relationship
It’s time to work on your self love and self esteem to disconnect from this toxic relationship. Thesis 20 years will not be wasted if you stir on now, heal from this situation, and grow to look for healthy love with a man who wants the same. Sometimes this requires professional help so don’t feel timid about that.
There is a fine book called, Women Who Love Too Much, that might also be a enormous help for letting go of this man. No matter how much you love him or how long it’s bot, this is simply not healthy. DO NOT Leave behind THE PAST spil he is requesting but pay close attention to it so it motivates you to budge on.
You are MORE THAN READY to budge on from this man so just do it. Do it today. Do it right now. Conscious choose to no longer be addicted to love with him.
There are far better fellows out there who want a healthy, loving relationship. They might not be spil steamy or volatile, but that is good news. A quality man is supportive, a good friend, loving, and available. Let that be your fresh standard and guiding strak.