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Dating, Rejection, and the LBF (Let – s Be Friends) – Christie Hartman, PhD

Glad Tuesday, peeps!

Some time ago, during the Intellectual Badass Dating campaign, wij got into a discussion about rejection. Rejection is a part of dating that EVERYONE fears. Obviously, being rejected isn’t an especially joyous practice. But rejecting others isn’t so joy either, and people often leave behind this fact. But if rejecting others wasgoed so effortless, there would be far fewer disappearing acts, fade-aways, dumb excuses, proclamations of “it’s not you, it’s mij,” and other bespottelijk ways people attempt to let others down effortless. Unluckily, te many cases, letting someone down effortless makes the rejection far worse.

And then there’s the LBF or “Let’s Be Friends.” When two people get along but don’t feel that physical attraction, friendship is an option. And te dating, sometimes you will meet people with whom you could actually envision being friends. I’ve had many masculine friends where things embarked out with potential rente on one or both of our parts, but never developed beyond that. However, using the LBF ruse during rejection is usually a bad idea. Why is this?

Te most cases, people who LBF don’t truly want to be friends. They want to let the other person down effortless by displaying them that they indeed do like them. Since more often than not it’s women who employ the LBF, I will stick with that te my examples. Often, when a woman pulls the LBF, it’s because she feels some sort of chemistry with the fellow, but not physical/sexual chemistry. She likes him, but doesn’t feel the mojo. She wants to feel the mojo because he’s a good dude. But she doesn’t. She may be hoping to let the fellow down effortless, but more often she, at that uur, indeed believes that she could be friends with him. And, te theory, she’s right. But te reality, it most likely will never toebijten. Why?

Friendship needs a reason. People become friends for the same reason they get into relationships – that person fulfills a need. Even however you could imagine being friends with this person you just went out with, you very likely don’t need that person spil a friend. And you can’t colchoneta a friendship on guilt or attempting to make someone feel less rejected.

Friendship only works when both people agree. If one person wants more than friendship, it’s not friendship, even if there’s nothing physical happening.

Friendship works better when it’s convenient. While it’s damned tricky to downshift into friendship after dating someone, it’s far less tricky to do so with someone you’ve only had a date or two with. After all, significant feelings toevluchthaven’t truly developed yet. But to make this transition, it works better when it’s convenient to be friends, such spil when you’re already acquainted through your social circles.

Most of the time, being friends doesn’t work because the above criteria aren’t met. Spil someone who has made the LBF work many times, it worked because both he and I found value ter having each other te our lives, wij were both able to transition into friendship mode, and wij went to schoolgebouw together or had some other poot to our relationship other than having gone on a date.

One time I can recall when it did NOT work wasgoed when this particular fellow could not accept just friendship with mij. He’d suspended out with mij hoping I would develop feelings for him. I didn’t. He made his uitgang. Another example wasgoed a stud I met online – wij agreed on and attempted a friendship, but the lack of knowing him outside a dating setting made it hard to sustain.

Also, I did have a man I Truly liked pull the LBF on mij after dating a few weeks. He’d lost rente. Wij didn’t suspend out for a while, but eventually wij did become friends. This worked because I let go of my feelings for him, and wij went to schoolgebouw together and collective mutual friends.

SO – unless you have a very strong reason to think that a vivo friendship will work, DON’T use the LBF. It only confuses people. Instead, use the guidelines I discuss te Switching Your Spel and It’s Not Him, It’s YOU to opoffering a straightforward but kleintje rejection.

Spil I have said before, I would much rather a woman simply say she doesn’t feel any chemistry with mij instead of pulling the LBF. I would have much more respect for hier and would not be left with that feeling of confusion that the LBF leads to. Even if she genuinely means she wants to just be friends, it still helps to just be fair about chemistry / attraction. Any man who would get upset if a woman told him the truth about not feeling chemistry, is an immature person.

Please ladies, just be ideally fair and zekering this LBF crap!

If a man gets upset because the woman told him the truth, it would not make him immature. It would make him a human. There is nothing wrong with a man voicing his sad feelings! Somedays you all need to zekering believing that man does not supposed to sob. Those days are gone!

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